Jordan Ruins Movies

The planet eats the guy who took care of it, which was a dick...

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 07:38:40 -0400

The planet eats the guy who took care of it, which was a dick move.

Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

Everyone remembers that they love the Muppets, and the bad guy...

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 07:32:23 -0400

Everyone remembers that they love the Muppets, and the bad guy has a change of heart (due to a head injury, I think).

The Muppets (2011)

Audrey Hepburn learns to stop running away, and the love you...

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 02:34:26 -0400

Audrey Hepburn learns to stop running away, and the love you take is EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE?

Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

Jesse Eisenburg fights John Ritter’s son who ends up being...

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 12:56:46 -0400

Jesse Eisenburg fights John Ritter’s son who ends up being a murderer.

The Education of Charlie Banks (2007)

Young people are indecisive. Alexander the Last (2009)

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 12:53:50 -0400

Young people are indecisive.

Alexander the Last (2009)

Kevin murders his family and then his high school. His mother...

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 03:54:00 -0400

Kevin murders his family and then his high school. His mother suspect it the whole time.

We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)

Faye Dunaway’s father, the bad guy, raped her, and they...

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 03:41:41 -0400

Faye Dunaway’s father, the bad guy, raped her, and they had a daughter. Then Faye gets shot in the head.

Chinatown (1974)

As it turns out, the man that went to live with bears ended up...

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 03:33:03 -0400

As it turns out, the man that went to live with bears ended up being troubled.

Grizzly Bear (2005)

Charlton Heston kisses a monkey. Planet of the Apes (1968)

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 03:43:45 -0400

Charlton Heston kisses a monkey.

Planet of the Apes (1968)

Uhhhhhhh, it was Earth the whole time. Planet of the Apes (1968)

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 03:36:47 -0400

Uhhhhhhh, it was Earth the whole time.

Planet of the Apes (1968)

The girl who is addicted to soft core pornography but is afraid...

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 03:34:17 -0400

The girl who is addicted to soft core pornography but is afraid of intimacy turns out to be molested by her father, Tom Arnold (surprise!).

Good Dick (2008)

The preppy asshole ends up being a killer, and the hill billy...

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 00:23:02 -0500

The preppy asshole ends up being a killer, and the hill billy gets the pretty white girl.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)

These two men never have sex. Humpday (2009)

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 00:08:07 -0500

These two men never have sex.

Humpday (2009)

John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill come to an understanding about...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 09:59:40 -0500

John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill come to an understanding about John C. Reilly doin’ his mom.

Cyrus (2010)

The dad saves his son, but gets possessed by a...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 04:16:34 -0500

The dad saves his son, but gets possessed by a demon-tortured-soul-thingie. It looks like this.

Insidious (2010)

Michael Cera and his girlfriend overcome quirky odds. Scott...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 02:20:53 -0500

Michael Cera and his girlfriend overcome quirky odds.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

The werewolf gets beaten to death. The Wolf Man (1941)

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 02:16:00 -0500

The werewolf gets beaten to death.

The Wolf Man (1941)

All Jesse Eisenburg ever wanted was friends. The Social...

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 03:36:55 -0500

All Jesse Eisenburg ever wanted was friends.

The Social Network (2010)

Bitch, you had me at hello. No Strings Attached (2011)

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 02:14:34 -0500

Bitch, you had me at hello.

No Strings Attached (2011)

Pixar makes dreams and shit. The Pixar Story (2007)

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 06:31:09 -0500

Pixar makes dreams and shit.

The Pixar Story (2007)